Sexual vs. Sensual Relationships

In my quest for balance, knowledge, and growth on many levels, I often find the topic of sexuality and sensuality to be one that is difficult to fit in to a box only because of our various dogmas and perceptions. But I feel knowing who you really are on a intimate level is just as an important topic to explore as any other along your journey, especially when it comes to relationships. Lately I have been thinking about the difference between the two and how they affect the relationships we encounter. Now if you are lucky, you do not need this information because you have found your true mate and you connect on every level and it will last forever, but for the rest of us…read on.

I hear so many people say they have never experienced the feeling of true love but have either been married, are married, or are in relationships. For some reason they just can’t seem to grasp a deeper level of intimacy beyond sex. Now, the media and social sites are filled with men and women in compromising positions showing their very best assets to the world in hopes of finding love. As a result, our culture has ultimately adopted a depiction of sensuality as a purely “visual” experience, and we choose our mates in the same fashion. Because our attraction to one another has become an entirely visual experience, we fail to engage the whole mind, body, and spirit when choosing a partner. We tend to settle for what is appealing to the eye, or the “surface appearance” (they say it’s less complicated that way, so conversation is very limited at this point).

Now to go even further, the visual is only one of our five senses, and with a distorted emphasis on the value of a physical image, we tend to pay less and less attention to the other four senses thus the true art of sensuality is fading.
Now with that being said, what is the difference between a sexual and a sensual relationship? well, a sensual connection is about two people relating through all five senses rather than one, this is often where you find love. So can a predominantly sexual person and a predominantly sensual person have a fulfilling relationship? My answer would be no, but there are exceptions to everything. My reasoning would be that a sensual person will always long for more depth than a sexual person is capable of providing.

Be You…Conscious

Don't Our Impoverished Inner Cities Deserve More?

I spent some time this past week visiting the Bishop Arts district in South Dallas. This is an predominately hispanic, low income area that has come together as a community to provide quality services and culture to the area being served. I trully enjoyed the experience, even the fact that there was a slight element of socioeconomic indifference and separation on one side of the district. After leaving, I drove into a predominately African American, low income area and as usual, I took note of the typical establishments which include more liquor stores that you can count, bright shiny new check cashing stores, and multiple beauty supply stores. I thought, I wonder what would change if more of us became conscious of the marketing that is targeting us as individuals. That's something to think about.

Are You Too Busy For Your Own Good?

I remember a time when I used to think that being really busy was getting me somewhere closer to “accomplishment”. It wasn’t nothing for me to be going to school full time, working full time, raising children, working on projects for myself, and volunteering for an organization. My mornings consisted of driving a 1 hour commute, while drinking coffee, putting on make-up, and talking on the phone. My afternoons consisted of me rushing to pick up kids in traffic, talking on the phone, eating a snack, and stressing. As women, we think that we have to be superwomen, and if you are doing it as a single parent, you have to be a supersinglemom. Of course I started cutting out some of that in 2008, to gain some balance and control, but when 2009 arrived, I made the decision that for my spiritual healing; I needed to release some more of those obligations that weren’t getting me any closer my goal of inner peace and happiness.

As individuals of western culture, we have been unconsciously condition to believe that more activity we have on our plate the closer we are to more accomplishment, but at what cost and to whose judgment? to be honest the two (busy and accomplishment) are not necessarily connected at all. I mean, what is really important (if God forbid you die tomorrow)? I am currently reading a book called “Be Here Now” very interesting, a bit neurotic, but it is reminding me so much of my own personal journey. Doing all of that “STUFF” and still feeling empty at the end of the day. I finally realized that I was in prison in my mind with all of the unnecessary obligation.

My motto for 2009
Be You…Conscious

What is conscious? Aware, aware of your ultimate goal, nirvana.

Prosperity of a Different Kind This New Year

by Toni Gaines, Certified Personal Trainer

As we enter in the year of 2009 and 2008 becomes more of a distant memory, let’s remember to keep our mental and physical health a priority. It is said the most common New Year resolutions are to: lose weight, start an exercise program, look for a better job, make a resolve to make more money, or quit smoking to name a few. To truly be successful with any resolution(s) it is going to take something that some of us, including me, don’t do….write our goal(s) down and create a plan of attack. Don’t get me wrong…it is great to speak your desires into the universe and express what you want to your friends and family, but to be remain focused you need to write your “wildest dreams” down on the white stuff called paper. When you do this, you have something concrete to look at and focus on daily. It’s like starting a business. The business takes up almost every ounce of who and what you are because you are constantly thinking about how to
make it successful.

Although in 2009 some of the goals you desire will come to past you still may feel somewhat unfulfilled. Why you might ask? Because…. what is needed more often than any thing else is gaining mental, physical and spiritual harmony. The state of being happy can be and is challenging at times, nevertheless we must become determined to surround ourselves with spiritual believing, positive, motivated, goal driven individuals who willing give of themselves freely to aid in the benefit others.

To begin moving toward a peaceful harmony first set aside time to engage in some physical activity. We all need to work off the stresses of daily life. Second, become determined to make better eating choices because Your Life and Livelihood depends on it. Third, but most importantly, spend some quite time alone with the creator in your prayer closet. Don’t just ask that your desires be met but pray that the desires of others be met first. When you begin to do the latter a consistent bases you will grow in ways you never would have imagined. Sometimes you have to stop focusing on your needs and begin to focus on the needs of those whom you can not see. It is hard to ask the creator to allow persons whom you do not know to bear fruits of prosperity; placing their prosperity before your own. However, some of the breakthroughs you seek in 2009 may be dependent upon your willingness to become less self-centered, while becoming more compassionate, empathetic and sympathetic to the needs others.

So in 2009 remember to write down your goals, pray for others more than you pray for yourself and set aside time to be good to your body, mind and soul at least three times per week through exercise. Doing these things may not be easy nonetheless; “The Good Life” as sung by Kanye West may be dependent on what you do.

Toni Gaines, Certified Personal Trainer
All About The Fitness
(214) 546-8168
www.AllAboutTheFitness.com

Healing

I always admire women who are able to keep going in the midst of situations they are faced that are painful such as a divorce, death, or loss of a job. We must realize that it is how we respond to the pain that will determine our ultimate outcome. It is easy to get side tracked and lost in the midst of hurting emotions.

Although I do not proclaim to be an expert on dealing with painful emotions, I do speak from experience on how not to deal with them simply because it took bumping my head a few times to realize that perhaps I should try something different.

When dealing with someone or something that is hurting you, don't take it personal but do take immediate action to limit their access to your emotional weaknesses. If the damage is done and you feel you have lost the battle. It is imperative to actively seek avenues for empowerment through positive support systems. Do not allow pain to have power in your life and get in the way of your future.

Healing Resources

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