The Essence of Me

Unpainted toes, earth-tones, and rainbows
a momma’s stare, her coiled hair blows
in the wind…Progression in its most humble form…
She’s weathered the storm.
Emerging to witness her own essence
to some it doesn’t make sense
that she can see through rose colored glasses accompanied by incense.
And now that the smoke has cleared,
moments of peace, love, and laughter have appeared.
She prays, and close she stays, sustained and understands
sweet mists of grace followed by inspiration from above
She carries a heart filled with a “Big Love”
and a tall order to heal and grow…sometimes its slow
but the lessons from being “Open” during her return,
have been learned.
Creating enterprise in “good” faith…as it should be
While present in this blessed moment of her journey
This is the essence of Me(amya).

Celebrating Transformation

This past year has been more than enough to write about. I am simply going to ease back in to posting, changing, and rearranging this blog to fit my transformation and hopefully yours. I have a lot to share in regards to my personal growth, faith, projects, business, 50lb weightloss, and accidentally finding my biological father at the age of 33. Remember, it is ok that sometimes you have to sprawl before you can crawl back to sustainability. You have the power to "Stand up" everytime you fall, "Breathe", and "Go Get It" ~ The Floacist...

LOVE

My Mother's Inspiration

I grew up listening to the smooth sounds of Sade
My mother reminded of those songs
Beautiful and strong
Smooth and sweet …
Not backing down from any challenge she had to meet
With her daughters tucked under her mighty wing
It was a colorful ride, she was a warrior, wore a crown, and when she spoke
Words of wisdom painted the picture, she is a visionary, woke
Transforming, creating, and shaping
Divine nature that is only suitable for a king
Flawless black skin two shades too dark
For the south so they said… censor her mouth!
Because she was and is the truth
And because she would allow me to be free
To realize, recognize, and spiritualize my existence
It would mean that I could follow my destiny
No matter what the world thinks of me
Mother, mother earth, the epitome of woman, black woman
You are my mother and my inspiration, I love you.

Forest for the Trees

Consumed by consumerism
drowning in seas of fake identities
and hopeless disparities
unable to see realities
that are compromised by shoes and weaves

Too busy for your own good
chasing the ghost because they said
you should

Running away from the voice
that says you have a choice

The thing u tried to hide
is emerging from deep inside

Divine DNA
is calling you to wake up today

it is all an illusion,
so what is the confusion

really all about?...

Do you not know who you are?

an immaculate conception
hidden in the walls of deep deception

Expectations of a Nemesis

What did you expect from me?
I've already told you what I can not be.

But what I will always be is...

The love you could not reach,
The lesson you could not teach,
The problem you can not solve,
and the issue you can never resolve.

I will always be

The best sex you never had
The never happy, always sad or mad.
The time you could not keep
and the dead weight when you try to take a leap
of faith....

I'v already shown you what I can not be
and what your expectation mean to me

I will always go against your grain
just to cause you pain

Yes, I have made you my nemesis, I don't know why
and If you asked me, I could not lie

So what what did you expect from me?
I have told you before to just let me be me.

Evolution of You, Always Follow Your Spirit

I have let a few weeks pass since my last post. Partly because I am experiencing some new, profound, and life changing events in my personal life. I was waiting for the right words to write the words of my expressions.

I can start by saying that life is a little tricky and it wouldn't be worth it if we knew everything. It can be beautiful if we allow ourselves to evolve in every situation, no matter if it is good or bad. However, it is often very difficult to see the light at the end of a tunnel, especially when we have been travelling in the dark for so long. My motto for life's journey is to follow your spirit, it doesn't lie.

A lot of times, we are holding ourselves back by holding on to something that is obviously holding us back. In our own determination, we tend to persist that things, people, and situations belong in our lives, even though they have proven over and over that they do not belong because they are not good for our evolution. But yet we are afraid to let go and it doesn't matter how many times have we heard "When a door closes another opens" we don't believe it.

Who would have guessed that I would have found my real father at the age of 32 over the past few weeks. By following my spirit, I have been afforded this opportunity to open a new door for the purpose of evolution. I feel blessed, excited, and thankful for the opportunity.

Nothing ever happens by accident, whether we realize it or not. Evolving means to grow, develop, mature, and change. This comes with occasional surprises because evolving is ever changing. No, it is not always easy to open doors of opportunity while closing doors that are not to proceed in the next step of our evolution. In fact,we as human beings do not always understand why certain events have to occur that provoke pain, confusion, and unrest in our minds for a time. In my situation, new doors are opening, others are closing, questions are answered, I am evolving. I am grateful.

Be You...Conscious!

Sankofa Vision Inspiration

My fellow conscious and green friend Leia Lewis, founder of Sankofa Vision Inc. a community based organization organized in 2004 located in Shreveport, LA. Sankofa Vision, Inc. is working to make green and conscious education and benefits available to local residents who are primarily low income by celebrating and cultivating the art, culture, and community life of people of African descent.

Sankofa Vision offers programs to increase public awareness of the rich history and interconnected traditions of black people in Louisiana, the south, the
U.S.A., and throughout the global African Diaspora. These programs include:
organic gardening, performing arts, music, literature, cuisine, business, science, and spirituality.

Sankofa Vision Inc. plans to build a "Green School" designed by students Louisana Tech.

articles here:

http://www.shreveporttimes.com/article/20090518/NEWS01/905180313

http://shreveporttimes.com/article/20090517/NEWS01/905170313/Local+Sankofa+organization+plans++green+school+

Precious - A Must See

I often write and speak about issues that effect the spirit and self esteem of women, specifically, African American Women and girls. I watched this trailer today and almost came to tears because I could feel the pain that is still so very prevalent in our communities today. Low self esteem and self hatered is a negative cycle that creates and breeds many issues in African American culture. Although it has secretly plagued many generations of black women and our communities, it is finally coming to the light in hopes of healing and creating positive future generations. I hope that this reflection will inspire all to keep pushing toward greatness and self love. I can't wait for the release.



This movie was inspired by a novel Push by Sapphire

Thanks Mahogony Momma of the Black Moms Club for sending

Be You...Conscious

What's In Your neighborHood?

The planet is dying and we are closing our eyes flocking to beauty supply and liquor stores, nail shops, and fast food establishments in our neighborhoods owned primarily by businesses that are not helping or lift our communities or save the planet. The truth is, we as a culture, are being left behind in the efforts to have a positive impact our environment because we lack knowledge, resources, and balance.

The global crisis affects all who reside on this earth, and my fear is that if we don’t make an effort to get involved, our survival as a human race is in stake. We must find new ways of patronizing and conducting business in our communities regardless of our socio-economic status. We must demand a standard of quality and social responsibility from those profiting from us. We can act together to do it.

Education is the key to addressing the global crisis we are facing, there is hope for creating opportunities to heal and lift our communities out of poverty, but we must first we must learn how to use natural resources more wisely and efficiently, and collectively. It is imperative that we become more conscious of the products and services being marketed to our unconscious and disadvantage communities by asking, is this product serving a purpose? is it helping or hurting our minds, bodies, and/or spirits?

Let us not be left behind, instead, let us help build our communities on values and standards that benefit us equally as partners on this planet.

The Unconscious Disadvantage

The unconscious mind says, it is what it is according to the universe
So what?...But for love and life, what could be worse?

How long can we continue to turn our cheeks as if everything is ok?
is our reality simply what we make it today?

Is disadvantaged unconscious awareness really worth short term satisfaction?
or is our reaction?

We must believe we can find solutions and proceed rationally
or else, it will be just another missed opportunity.

The truth lies within you and me
to give hope to future humanity.

And I say, so what if you hear about a green economy,
everywhere but your community!

Because it all starts with opening your mind,
and making a conscious choice not to be blind.

I'm doing my part,
and that's a start...

So what about you?
What are you going to do?

It's Official

I have just arrived back from my training at the Green For All Academy in Oakland, CA. I must say, it was a truly extraordinary and inspirational event filled with so much positive energy and love for each other, as individuals, as well as for the planet. I am committed, as a spokesperson to do my part by helping to create and maintain sustainable inner city and impoverished urban communities through green opportunities, healing, and conscious awareness. I will be starting with South Dallas more specifically Oak Cliff. So please be on the look out for information on upcoming events.

By the way, I highly recommend reading "The Green Collar Economy" by Van Jones. This book is honest and true about the issues facing society as it relates to the environment and various inequelities based on socio-economic status. It also gives workable solutions for bridging the gaps in creating a green economy by including "All" people in the movement. Check it out!

Be You... Conscious

You can lie to you but YOU know the truth

A couple of weeks ago while cleaning out some papers in my closet I found where I had taken a career assessment exam in August of 2007. I remembered how disappointed I was when I took the exam because I wanted it to tell me that I would be an excellent Pharmaceutical Sales Representative. It didn’t. It was about eighteen pages of my personality broken down, and it gave me my top careers, none of them, what I wanted to here at the time. The Narrative Interpretation had statements like: “Meamya is conscious of existence, meaning, purpose, potential and destiny of humankind, people and Meamya is motivated by a self-felt, self accepted calling to the cause of good, growth, and gain in the lives of others.” I was like What?!? That is not a trait for a sales person.

The assessment test listed my top ten ideal careers as, training, communications, marketing and promotion, guidance, spiritual, teaching, nurture, art, design, and creative writing. “It also stated that my perception tends to be holistic and conceptual in other words, I must be able to see the big picture, and it better have a positive outcome in order for me to buy in to it. I found it very strange that two years later, I am doing some form of all of those tasks from home and without much pay. The point I am trying to make here is that you can lie to you but “You” know the truth.

Sexual vs. Sensual Relationships

In my quest for balance, knowledge, and growth on many levels, I often find the topic of sexuality and sensuality to be one that is difficult to fit in to a box only because of our various dogmas and perceptions. But I feel knowing who you really are on a intimate level is just as an important topic to explore as any other along your journey, especially when it comes to relationships. Lately I have been thinking about the difference between the two and how they affect the relationships we encounter. Now if you are lucky, you do not need this information because you have found your true mate and you connect on every level and it will last forever, but for the rest of us…read on.

I hear so many people say they have never experienced the feeling of true love but have either been married, are married, or are in relationships. For some reason they just can’t seem to grasp a deeper level of intimacy beyond sex. Now, the media and social sites are filled with men and women in compromising positions showing their very best assets to the world in hopes of finding love. As a result, our culture has ultimately adopted a depiction of sensuality as a purely “visual” experience, and we choose our mates in the same fashion. Because our attraction to one another has become an entirely visual experience, we fail to engage the whole mind, body, and spirit when choosing a partner. We tend to settle for what is appealing to the eye, or the “surface appearance” (they say it’s less complicated that way, so conversation is very limited at this point).

Now to go even further, the visual is only one of our five senses, and with a distorted emphasis on the value of a physical image, we tend to pay less and less attention to the other four senses thus the true art of sensuality is fading.
Now with that being said, what is the difference between a sexual and a sensual relationship? well, a sensual connection is about two people relating through all five senses rather than one, this is often where you find love. So can a predominantly sexual person and a predominantly sensual person have a fulfilling relationship? My answer would be no, but there are exceptions to everything. My reasoning would be that a sensual person will always long for more depth than a sexual person is capable of providing.

Be You…Conscious

Don't Our Impoverished Inner Cities Deserve More?

I spent some time this past week visiting the Bishop Arts district in South Dallas. This is an predominately hispanic, low income area that has come together as a community to provide quality services and culture to the area being served. I trully enjoyed the experience, even the fact that there was a slight element of socioeconomic indifference and separation on one side of the district. After leaving, I drove into a predominately African American, low income area and as usual, I took note of the typical establishments which include more liquor stores that you can count, bright shiny new check cashing stores, and multiple beauty supply stores. I thought, I wonder what would change if more of us became conscious of the marketing that is targeting us as individuals. That's something to think about.

Are You Too Busy For Your Own Good?

I remember a time when I used to think that being really busy was getting me somewhere closer to “accomplishment”. It wasn’t nothing for me to be going to school full time, working full time, raising children, working on projects for myself, and volunteering for an organization. My mornings consisted of driving a 1 hour commute, while drinking coffee, putting on make-up, and talking on the phone. My afternoons consisted of me rushing to pick up kids in traffic, talking on the phone, eating a snack, and stressing. As women, we think that we have to be superwomen, and if you are doing it as a single parent, you have to be a supersinglemom. Of course I started cutting out some of that in 2008, to gain some balance and control, but when 2009 arrived, I made the decision that for my spiritual healing; I needed to release some more of those obligations that weren’t getting me any closer my goal of inner peace and happiness.

As individuals of western culture, we have been unconsciously condition to believe that more activity we have on our plate the closer we are to more accomplishment, but at what cost and to whose judgment? to be honest the two (busy and accomplishment) are not necessarily connected at all. I mean, what is really important (if God forbid you die tomorrow)? I am currently reading a book called “Be Here Now” very interesting, a bit neurotic, but it is reminding me so much of my own personal journey. Doing all of that “STUFF” and still feeling empty at the end of the day. I finally realized that I was in prison in my mind with all of the unnecessary obligation.

My motto for 2009
Be You…Conscious

What is conscious? Aware, aware of your ultimate goal, nirvana.

Prosperity of a Different Kind This New Year

by Toni Gaines, Certified Personal Trainer

As we enter in the year of 2009 and 2008 becomes more of a distant memory, let’s remember to keep our mental and physical health a priority. It is said the most common New Year resolutions are to: lose weight, start an exercise program, look for a better job, make a resolve to make more money, or quit smoking to name a few. To truly be successful with any resolution(s) it is going to take something that some of us, including me, don’t do….write our goal(s) down and create a plan of attack. Don’t get me wrong…it is great to speak your desires into the universe and express what you want to your friends and family, but to be remain focused you need to write your “wildest dreams” down on the white stuff called paper. When you do this, you have something concrete to look at and focus on daily. It’s like starting a business. The business takes up almost every ounce of who and what you are because you are constantly thinking about how to
make it successful.

Although in 2009 some of the goals you desire will come to past you still may feel somewhat unfulfilled. Why you might ask? Because…. what is needed more often than any thing else is gaining mental, physical and spiritual harmony. The state of being happy can be and is challenging at times, nevertheless we must become determined to surround ourselves with spiritual believing, positive, motivated, goal driven individuals who willing give of themselves freely to aid in the benefit others.

To begin moving toward a peaceful harmony first set aside time to engage in some physical activity. We all need to work off the stresses of daily life. Second, become determined to make better eating choices because Your Life and Livelihood depends on it. Third, but most importantly, spend some quite time alone with the creator in your prayer closet. Don’t just ask that your desires be met but pray that the desires of others be met first. When you begin to do the latter a consistent bases you will grow in ways you never would have imagined. Sometimes you have to stop focusing on your needs and begin to focus on the needs of those whom you can not see. It is hard to ask the creator to allow persons whom you do not know to bear fruits of prosperity; placing their prosperity before your own. However, some of the breakthroughs you seek in 2009 may be dependent upon your willingness to become less self-centered, while becoming more compassionate, empathetic and sympathetic to the needs others.

So in 2009 remember to write down your goals, pray for others more than you pray for yourself and set aside time to be good to your body, mind and soul at least three times per week through exercise. Doing these things may not be easy nonetheless; “The Good Life” as sung by Kanye West may be dependent on what you do.

Toni Gaines, Certified Personal Trainer
All About The Fitness
(214) 546-8168
www.AllAboutTheFitness.com

Healing

I always admire women who are able to keep going in the midst of situations they are faced that are painful such as a divorce, death, or loss of a job. We must realize that it is how we respond to the pain that will determine our ultimate outcome. It is easy to get side tracked and lost in the midst of hurting emotions.

Although I do not proclaim to be an expert on dealing with painful emotions, I do speak from experience on how not to deal with them simply because it took bumping my head a few times to realize that perhaps I should try something different.

When dealing with someone or something that is hurting you, don't take it personal but do take immediate action to limit their access to your emotional weaknesses. If the damage is done and you feel you have lost the battle. It is imperative to actively seek avenues for empowerment through positive support systems. Do not allow pain to have power in your life and get in the way of your future.

Healing Resources

Spiritual Cinema Circle Offers Free Trial

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Spirituality

First and foremost, I pray that everyone had a blessed Christmas holiday. I would like to thank God for allowing me the growth and opportunities I have been afforded in 2008, I trully believe that 2009 is going to be even better.

I often tell people that I am on a spiritual journey, meaning that I have had to come away from what I was doing before and take a deeper look inside for answers about me. So you may ask, what is spirituality?

To simplify, spirituality is all matters that pertain to the spirit, it is based on the idea that something, whether it be a state of mind, a being, or a place, that is outside the experience of our five limited senses.

Spirituality is about developing a personal relationship with self and achieving an understanding of how to make things better. Many people who suffer from depression, anxiety, and stress are out of balance with their spiritual self. I know this because I myself have been able to cure myself of these disorders in the past year. I have also found that I am not the only one on this quest to find truth and happiness through spiritual development. Furthermore, everything that I post is a personal lesson or situation that I have experienced or that I am currently experiencing. I post in hopes of helping someone who may also be finding their way on a spiritual path.

I would like to introduce Lawrence Jordan of the House of Beauty and Spirits in Dallas to compliment his remarkable efforts to heal and assist people in spiritual growth. He will be sharing his expertise on spirituality and beauty on Cocoa Inspiration. We will also be collaborating on other ventures in the months to come.

My resolution is to continue in my path, help others, and prosper!